Celebrity Party
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“Rabbit! Rabbit, I say! Where are you, you silly little turtle person?” Amy bellowed as she walked down the stairs and into the living room.
The house was a pleasant little thing, a calm abode in a forgotten part of the west coast’s capital of celebrity and fame. Plenty of snacks, not too many scandals, yet with more than enough shenanigans to spare.
And dinosaurs, lots and lots of dinosaurs.
“I’m hiding!” Megan responded as she sat on the couch reading a magazine. Her brow furrowed into an annoyed look of tedious anticipation.
“Hiding from what?!”
“From you! Argh, you crazy bitch, you always saying mean things at the me!” Megan angrily spoke in a barely coherent way.
Amy then sighed in the most purposefully condescending and demeaning manner towards Megan that she could muster.
“That’s only because you annoy the crap out of me! Tell me, have you brought me my DONUT yet, slave?” she asked mockingly, already knowing the answer.
“Fuck your donut, I’m never getting you one for as long as I live!” Megan shouted before her friend shook her head and sighed once again.
“Alright, Rabbit, that isn’t why I’m here talking to you right now. I actually have a very serious matter to discuss with you.” Amy spoke.
“Ugh, you always bother me with something ‘important’ to say to me.”
“That’s just because I avoid talking to you the rest of the time, Rabbit. Now listen up! This is incredible!” Amy said, making her way over to the perpetually cranky one.
“Ugh, I bet it’s something horrible and stupid.” Megan groaned as she put down her magazine.
“Of course it is, fool! What do you think I’m here to talk about? Curing puppy cancer?” Amy said before blowing a raspberry and sitting down on the couch next to her sorta-kinda best friend forever.
“...were you just reading that magazine upside down?” Amy asked, noticing how Megan placed her reading material on the coffee table.
“The words look cooler that way!” Megan proudly proclaimed. Amy then let out a genuine sigh before rolling her eyes back as far as she could.
“Rabbit…. I am… Argh, ok whatever, just listen up!” Amy demanded before slapping Megan across the face.
“There is a party happening, Rabbit! Over at the Glory-hole Hotel down the street. There’s going to be a gathering, Rabbit! A gathering of all the world’s most famous musicians, actors and artists!” Amy explained.
“Ugh, why didn’t I hear about it?” Megan asked in angry annoyance.
“Because you’re not famous anymore!” Amy condescendingly brushed off.
“We’re gonna go to that party, you see! You, me, and a whole bunch of knives! We’re gonna go down to the celebrity event and we’re gonna prank and mutilate everyone we see! It’s going to be amazing, Rabbit! The pain, the tears! The broken dreams and bones of random dumbass pop stars named Lindsay, Britney, and Tits McGee! Mwahaha!” Amy cackled in glee!
“Ugh, HORRIBLE AND STUPID!” Megan snapped while Amy continued her sick maniacal laughter.
“GLORIOUSLY HORRIBLE, I tell you! Mwahaha!”
And at this moment, Daisy walked down the stairs as well and stepped towards the pair.
“What are you doing on MY side of the couch? Get off! I command you, worm!” Daisy sneered at Megan.
“I only get off when you buy me a new hot plate, cus the last one broke! Ugh, I mean, I don’t get off for you! I yell at you!” the Rabbit snapped back.
“Pay attention, dumbass and ignore the self absorbed moron! The QUEEN is talking.” Amy told Megan in an attempt to steer back the conversation towards her wild fantasies of pain and torment.
“I’m not going to the celebrity party with you! I don’t wanna talk to your evil ass anymore!” Megan shouted.
“Celebrity party? What celebrity party? Who’s invited?” Daisy asked.
“Anyone who matters.” Amy rolled her eyes.
“So basically anyone but you and the Rabbit. Mwahaha! Zing!” she chuckled.
“Urgh, GODDAMN IT!” Megan cried out in pained frustration. As was her life.
“How dare somebody have a party and not invite ME, the fabulous Daisy Ray!” Daisy scoffed at the absurdity of what she was hearing.
“Nobody likes you after you trashed that blockbuster movie you were in. Actually that makes both of you. Mwahaha! Zing again!” Amy chuckled.
“Urghhhh, goddamn it...” Megan shook her cute little fist.
“Bah, you crazy fools! I’ll go to the party and show everyone how wonderful I am! Nobody ignores the incredible Daisy Ray!”
“Your name sounds like the name of a dairy farm mascot.” Amy shrugged.
“I will go to this party right now and show everyone how amazing I am! Just you see, you’ll all see!!” Daisy proudly proclaimed as she walked towards the door and out of the house.
“Does she even know where the party is?” Megan asked.
“Of course not. Fucking noob.” Amy rolled her eyes once more.
“Ok, now listen up, Rabbit! Are you ready to go hurt some people and cause mayhem just for shits and giggles?”
“Urgh……. Um….”
“It’s a rhetorical question, you don’t have the right to make choices for yourself! That’ll cost you 50 more donuts, you know the rules, slave! Now follow me!” Amy said as she got up and started pulling on the Rabbit’s arm to get her off the couch.
“Ah goddamn it, I yell at the thing!” Megan whined.
Five hours later, the duo arrived at the party all dressed up and ready to mingle. Except for Megan who still had her crazy, typically unkempt hair. Amy didn’t even give her time to find matching shoes.
“Argh, there’s so many bright lights, my eyes are hurting!” Megan yelled.
“You’re standing in front of my spotlight, move away!” Amy said as she shoved her friend aside with little regard. “Get my good side, fools, for tonight will be a night you will never forget! Mwahaha!”
“So many lights! Ugh, this is why I hide my head inside buckets…” Megan sighed.
The pair then walked down the red carpet and stepped into the event as Megan complained about the large, heavy bag Amy had told her to bring.
“So many victims! Look, Rabbit, we’re gonna stab all these people! Mwahaha!” Amy proclaimed.
“Ugh, I don’t wanna hurt Zip Afton. Ugh, he’s my fantasy boyfriend….” Megan blushed.
“Look, our first victim! Come Rabbit!”
Amy dragged Megan kicking and screaming across the reception hall towards her first intended target.
“Well, well, well, look who it is! Lindsay O’Hannon!” Amy yelled out.
“What? Oh. Hi, guys. You heard about this party too? Did you remember to pick up milk at the grocery store? That was your job today.” Lindsay responded.
“Rabbit... Did you pick up the milk?” Amy asked as she let go of Megan’s arm.
“...urgh…. goddamn it….” the Rabbit shook her cute little fist in frustration as she remembered she hadn’t.
“Listen up, fool! Today is the day you die!” Amy proclaimed with her arms spread out almost as wide as her crazy eyes.
“I haven’t even started drinking yet. Geez, get off my case.” Lindsay snapped.
“Mwahaha, if only you knew!” Amy cackled as she waved her arms around wildly in psychopathic delight.
At that moment, the event’s intercom spoke up.
“The main event is ready to start, please proceed towards the dining hall on the ground floor. Our attendants are ready to escort you. Thank you for choosing leGlorieux Hotel and Spa.”
Immediately, people started pouring out of the reception area and into the next room.
“This is it, Rabbit! As soon as everyone is gathered up in one place, we’ll detonate the bomb and kill them all!” Amy cackled.
“Urgh, what the-” Megan asked.
“A bomb?!” Lindsay questioned in horror.
“Argh, goddamn it! Is that what’s in the bag you made me bring?” Megan shouted in annoyed terror.
“Yes, I bought it from the guy that Lindsay buys her drugs from. The San Mateos cartels are incredibly well supplied.” Amy chuckled.
“I told you, I don’t do drugs anymore! Ugh, this is so typical of you to come to a party just to try and ruin everyone else’s fun!” Lindsay criticized.
“Fun? The only fun to be had in this universe is the kind that involves the pain and agony of all the weak little people we’re surrounded by! Fun only occurs when we finally prove ourselves to be the true rulers of the world, our thrones forged from bones and our chalices filled with blood! THAT is when true QUEENS of the spooky darkness have FUN! Mwahaha! Darkness, I say!” Amy said.
“And when we touch ourselves!” Megan spoke up and immediately regretted it.
“Argh, goddamn it...”
“It is time, Rabbit! Go plant this bomb somewhere in the dinner hall while I go hide outside where it’s safe and far away from the blast zone.” Amy commanded.
“Argh….. goddamn it….” the Rabbit bowed her head in resignation.
“No, you can’t detonate a bomb!” Lindsay shouted.
“Of course I can, I’m not stupid like you, whore.” Amy said, waving Lindsay’s words away. “Now hurry up, Rabbit, I want to get some sushi after this.”
“I don’t want to die!” Megan yelled out.
“Yes you do, I’ve read your diary. Also you have weird fetishes.” Amy shrugged.
“I HATE YOU!” Megan screamed while throwing the bag away.
“Ah, unholy shit! Rabbit, be careful with that!” Amy shouted in a panic.
“I doesn’t want to bomb at the thing, I only wanted to yell at the thing, I don’t want to die!” Megan yelled out incoherently before running out of the building.
Amy watched her go with a bitterly annoyed look on her face. Then she muttered out a slur word and face palmed.
“Damn it, Rabbit! Argh!!!” Amy bellowed in annoyance.
“I’m getting out of here too! Goodbye, nut!” Lindsay spoke as she started going towards the door after Megan.
“Come to the party, I said. Kill some tools, I said. Why does no one do what the QUEEN says?!” Amy shook her hands up and down in frustration before sighing loudly. She paused for a moment.
“….what’s the Spanish word for ‘refund’? Refundamundo?” she asked herself.
“Argh, goddamn it, Rabbit!” Amy screamed as she left the bomb behind and ran towards the door past a person who was only just arriving.
“A-ha! I have found the party, no one keeps a secret from Daisy Ray! Nobody! Nobody!!”
It was a fun day.