Horses, Apples & Wine
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Katya stared at the box where she’d normally keep her needles… Empty, she had the drugs but nothing to inject with. Unfortunately, not even the reuse of old ones was an option now, for they’d long since been thrown out.
And so, with a soft grown, she instead got off her chair before walking towards the kitchen counter. It was a short journey at least, with the table only a few steps away from every other major part of the very small apartment. Or maybe that’s simply how it always felt like for her. It truly wasn’t much to speak of, not that her own misery didn’t dim her ambience further.
Katya then proceeded to serve herself the cold tea before taking a sip, she’d rarely ever cared enough to heat it up. In fact, she’s never seemed to care about most things in life, and certainly not by this point. Well… Except for the letters, of course. Those bothered her. As did the strange feelings she got from time to time, though these were less important. Could all easily be a side effect of the drugs. What did it matter if it was nothing but a trick of the unwell mind?
And so, Katya took another sip before setting down the drink. Her body ached but that was most likely from the exhaustion relating to her work. She hadn’t gone long enough to suffer withdrawal yet she didn’t feel good either. Just that middle part of the day where nothing was truly wrong… The worst by far.
The still air, with nary a sound, filled the room. Not even the neighbors or the creaks of the building slowly falling apart could've been heard. Perhaps they had all gotten lost somewhere else. Sometimes Katya wondered what that would feel like, for someone who was for all intents and purposes ‘lost’… it was just too easy to find herself in the same damn places each and every single time.
The tedium, the sulking… Yes, it was the worst part by far.
She sighed before picking up the stack of papers on the counter. She had read them, nothing more needed to be done and so she stuffed them in her trash. Good riddance, she thought.
But finally and almost as a sad mercy, there came a sound. For a minute she had begun to worry. There was a knock on the door, perhaps the neighbors had found their way home after all. Frustrated yet desperate to do anything other than what she was currently doing, despite not wanting to do anything at all, Katya took the few steps needed to open up the door to her apartment. A familiar face was waiting patiently, it seemed.
“Here. I hope it’s what you wanted.” Mila said with a soft smile, though her eyes were rather focused. Katya looked down at the bag her friend was holding with a mild frown.
“Alcohol?” she asked before looking back up at Mila as she, in turn, simply continued staring with her sly face.
“No. Just food.” she tauntingly replied. Katya wasn’t sure whether to groan or just give in and enjoy the meal.
“Why do you keep doing this?” she then groaned with a thinly veiled bitterness.
“It’s better for you, Katya. You know what alcohol does to people.” Mila mocked. Katya always claimed to say she honestly resented these showings of compassion, though she did, in some form, appreciate the food and occasional company.
“Is it worse than the alternatives?” she complained.
“Much worse.” Mila smirked.
And so, the guest finally let herself in, fearing Katya might've just closed the door on her so she could keep wallowing in her own misery. She needed to eat after all, everyone does eventually. Keep her alive longer that way.
Mila walked over to the table before setting down the bag of food. She even took a seat, it’s not like she's ever been known to ask for permission. Katya continued staring out into the empty hallway… Maybe Mila could get lost, she thought. But then she sighed and closed up the door.
“How’s your day been?” Katya mumbled before walking over towards her friend. She soon looked through the bag in hopes of finding something interesting, though there was nothing she really wanted. She pulled out the beans and tore the wrapper from the little plastic spoon. She couldn’t help but let out a little smile and a scoff when she saw the apple.
“You want to keep me healthy, is that it? You want me to eat, right?” Katya asked as Mila stared at the fruit as well and with great satisfaction.
“For now at least.” she said. Katya then let out another little mumble before sitting back down on her chair across from Mila. With no other real option, she gave into her body’s true needs and began to eat. Mila simply stared at her with those big eyes of hers, Katya couldn’t tell if they made her look precious or like some sort of insect.
“Heroin then? I wondered.” Mila softly said after a little while of blessed silence. Katya froze as she remembered she’d left it all just lying on the table, plain for anyone to see. She sighed.
“I’m supposed to keep that a secret, aren’t I?” Katya groaned before resuming her eating. The food was good at least, if only Mila brought her the wine as well. She sometimes did but it was always very inconsistent, it felt like torture for Katya at times.
“I don’t think you’re good at keeping secrets.” Mila knowingly smiled.
“Urgh… maybe if you kept your eyes to yourself it’d make things easier for me… You knew already, I never even had to tell you.” Katya groaned.
“It was obvious… hence the pity.” Mila mocked. Katya shot her a little glare but… what’s the use, she probably thought. And so she continued eating.
“Did you take any? Today?” Mila asked.
“No.” Katya complained. “I don’t have any needles. Ran out.” she lamented.
“Unfortunate. I now see why you wanted the alcohol so badly. Whatever will you do?” Mila smirked.
“Yeah, fuck you too. You’re even more lonely than I am...” Katya grumbled.
“What makes you think I’m lonely?” Mila replied with a little frown.
“Girls like you don’t just come to places like this. Did you run away from your palace in Saint Petersburg?” Katya asked. Mila then paused for a moment with an odd look in her eyes. Was she obvious as well? An interesting idea, if true.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” she soon smiled again. And Katya smirked as well with her own condescending laugh.
“You’re welcome.” she mumbled.
A little bit of time continued to pass as Mila kept staring at her destitute friend’s eating. Bite after bite, swallow after swallow. If only she did this more often than she took the drugs. Then she could’ve been a perfectly healthy, obese American. But that seemed unlikely by now, Mila thought. So instead she looked over at the heroin for a little while.
“Ever think about getting help? Real help, I mean? They never taught me how to care for the grim and needy in my palace.” Mila smiled.
“Did they teach you it’s rude to come into people’s apartments uninvited?” Katya retorted, now almost done with her food. It had been a good sized bowl, Mila really must’ve stepped out of a fairy tale and into a nightmare at some point. Not that she's ever seemed to mind. Or at least that’s how Katya saw it, from her smaller frame of mind.
“I’m afraid if you don’t do something to turn things around then… you might not live for much longer. Thought it was fair to warn you.” Mila kindly said.
Katya then rolled her eyes with a low hiss before pushing what remained of her beans away.
“Are you really the one who should be bringing this up? I don’t need help, not as much as you needed mine anyway.” she grumbled.
“Don’t start lying to me now, I’ll feel hurt and betrayed.” Mila mocked.
“Yeah, that’s a good look for you. Maybe you’ll finally fit in around here.” Katya mocked back. Mila scoffed with subdued amusement before letting out her own sigh.
Katya looked down at the near empty food bowl for a moment… She owed Mila gratitude despite the unfortunate lack of wine. She softly groaned before shaking her head and scratching her arm. Then she looked up at Mila again.
“I liked the food. Does that make you happy at least?” Katya wondered. Mila then stared back at her before giving a little nod in return.
“What do you plan to do now? Is there really nothing to make you better?” Mila asked. Katya let out another expression, though it was evident she simply did not have much hope for herself.
“What could I possibly do? I can’t just go around talking to people without getting arrested or put in a center somewhere. I don’t need people telling me I’m going to die, I think I get that already. Besides… doesn’t sound too bad.” she grimly said.
Mila looked away with a bit of a frown for a moment before turning back to look at Katya.
“So that’s it then? You’re ready to die? Do you mean that?” she asked. Katya made a dark yet sarcastic face.
“What choice do I have? I feel like there’s more things trying to kill me now than there is… anything else. From where I’m sitting… it would be a relief.” she sighed.
“And that’s… why I didn’t bring you alcohol. Now you have one less thing to worry about.” Mila smirked. Katya laughed.
“Good point, Mila. But I’d rather have the wine than the heroin… Or at least I think I do.” Katya mumbled, though her amusement quickly died back down. She looked at the drugs again… What else was she going to do with her life? It truly was hopeless, she always thought. Not that she was special or unique in that dread either. Not around here at any rate.
“Well… I suppose now you’ll have two less things to worry about.” Mila said before reaching out to take the heroin away. Katya stared at her friend as she slipped the drugs into her pocket, she did not know whether her feeling of gratitude would kill or not. But she was certainly a bit upset either way.
“Maybe you did bring wine… but you stole it, thief.” Katya hissed, though her comment was ignored as Mila simply let out another smile.
“I don’t drink, Katya. It dulls your perception of the world, I’d rather enjoy it for what it is.” she said. Katya scoffed.
“Enjoy what? The pain, the agony, the suffering?” she asked.
“Don’t forget the torment… and the torture and sounds of sadness you make at night. I do enjoy watching you suffer, Katya. It’s the only entertaining thing to do around here.” Mila smiled.
Katya stared for a moment… and then she yawned.
“The door is there, Mila. I suggest you get your sleep, princesses should always get their rest.” she said.
“Another compliment, even though I insulted you. I apologize.” Mila smirked. Katya let out a little laugh and rolled her eyes.
“At least your company keeps me away from the vultures in my life… Wine… drugs… the people.” she softly replied.
“There’s more people than just me in your life then, Katya?” Mila asked. A fine question…
But this time Katya did not sigh nor retort, she merely looked as she felt. Pained and frightened.
“Sometimes… I think.” Katya mumbled. Mila tilted her head, her friend never seemed to be the type who often interacted with others. Perhaps Mila did think she was nothing more than an introverted wreck who was simply waiting to disappear.
“What people bother you, Katya?” Mila inquired. Katya frowned for a moment and paused to think. Eventually, she turned her head over to the kitchen. To that small little waste bin next to the fridge...
“They send me letters sometimes.” she mumbled.
Mila stared for a moment before turning her head over as well, she saw the papers clearly sticking out at the top of the trash. She wasted little time before getting up and walking towards them. Katya, again, stared incredulously at her friend.
“Mila!” she protested. But Mila is not known for asking permission, just her quiet, reserved demeanor. Unless she felt like making one suffer for a moment, of course. She soon picked what remained of the letter and began to read it. It didn’t take her long to understand exactly what it all meant.
“Disgusting.” Mila frowned. And Katya… couldn’t help but to cover her head with a pained sense of defeat growing around her.
“It’s… I don’t want to talk about it.” she grumbled.
“Me neither.” Mila replied before crumbling the foul thing up and throwing it back in the bin. She then turned to look at her friend…
“Who’s sending them?” Mila asked. Katya seemed as if she could die from embarrassment at that moment.
“A… a man.” she admitted.
“Are you a whore?” Mila wondered rather crudely, twisting Katya’s soul even further. Katya's face turned pale as her eyes sank. She stammered.
But Mila only stepped closer.
“Perhaps you’re simply a dancer, then.” she shrugged. Katya then gritted her teeth as the corners of her eyes softly broke. She clenched her fist, yet it shook with fright.
“Yes.” she muttered. “I was.” she added.
“Take care of yourself, Katya. You do seem to have one too many things trying to hurt you in life. I’m keeping the heroin and the wine, I wish you luck with the man at least.” Mila said. Katya continued wallowing in her pain for a moment before looking back up.
“The heroin is mine, Mila. What… What do you even plan to do with it?” Katya asked. Mila then pulled the heroin out of her pocket, she merely stared at it for a moment.
“Maybe I’ll sell it. Could be good business.” Mila said.
“Sell it? A dealer and a thief then? Are you that much of a snake?” Katya scoffed.
“And a pimp if that’s what it takes to keep you in line. I’ll speak to you some other time, Katya. Perhaps by then you’ll feel a bit better.” Mila smiled.
She then put the heroin back in her pocket before walking towards the door. She almost stepped out of the apartment before Katya interrupted.
“Did you have a horse? In your palace? ...I’ve always wanted one.”
Mila couldn’t help but turn back to look at her little source of amusement. She nodded.
“I rode it through the streets once, she was as beautiful as the moon. I only wish she had known to avoid the traffic. Take care, Katya. I’ll be seeing you again very soon.” she said.
And then the door closed, it seems once again Katya was all alone.